1) Challenge Your Negative Self-Talk
Some people think that negative self-talk will motivate them to reach their goals or that it will protect them from failing. These core beliefs were likely introduced to them by their families who had good intentions. Negative self talk not only discourages us but also exhausts us. It is a pretty poor way of using our internal resources. Better way to take care of ourselves is to accept that we need to challenge negative self-talk. Where do we start?
Be aware of your negative self talk (you can attempt to catch yourself throughout the day or journal for five minutes each night to summarize the negative thoughts you had about yourself during the day).
Remind yourself that thoughts are stories we create in our minds and that they are not facts.
Remind yourself that this kind of thinking actually limits you.
Challenge the negative statements such as “I am stupid” with evidence against these statements such as reminders of your strengths and past accomplishments.
Challenge the negative statements such as “she hates me” with alternate explanations to the situation (perhaps she did not say hi because she had a bad day, perhaps she did not see you, perhaps she was thinking about something else or perhaps she is upset with you).
Replace these statements with statements that you would use if you were to talk to your kids or friends if they are in a similar situation.
2) Take Physical Breaks
Our bodies and minds need rest to survive. We also need physical breaks to get inspired and to get creative. The most complex problems at times are solved when we are out on a walk or when we are folding the laundry.
During your coffee breaks instead of checking your phone, try to go for a 10 minute walk.
When it is not possible to take a 10 minute break, engage in gentle stretches for 5 minutes, looking away from the screen.
If that is not possible stand up for one minute for every hour and look away from the screen. If you cannot access standing, look away from the screen, get into a comfortable position and observe your breathe non-judgementally (without needing your breath to be deeper or for it to be timed perfectly). If breathing is triggering to you, you can get into a comfortable seat and look at a pleasant thing.
3) Practice Gratitude (Let me explain!)
As human beings, we are likely to scan for danger and focus on the negative. If impacted by anxiety or traumatic memories, you may be even more likely to scan for danger and find the negative. While I am not suggesting that we ignore the negatives, we need to have a more balanced view of both the negative and the positive to help us with our mood, energy levels and motivation.
Learn to dwell on the positive. If you told me that I was funny, that would make me happy but the joy would be short lived. If you told me that I was boring, I would likely dwell on that comment when cooking, driving, or folding laundry. We need to limit the time spent on the negative and increase the time spent on the positive to have a more balanced perspective.
People often write vague gratitude lists. I am grateful to have a home, have food and my family. I am grateful for my dog and my partner. I am grateful for my job and my friends. I am grateful for my health. I challenge you to go deeper than that. What does it feel like to have a safe home to come to? Feel the support of your favourite chair on your back, feel the warmth of your blanket and practice gratitude somatically. What does it feel like to have food? Some religions practice fasting to better understand those who experience hunger every day. Next time you are eating your favourite food, slow down the process and really take it in. How does it smell? What does it look like? What is the texture like? How does it make you feel? Slow down the activities you enjoy and notice the joy. Let your body and mind register this experience instead of rushing through it in autopilot.