It is not surprising that we want to be liked. Who does not want to be known as polite or kind? How many of us actually enjoy upsetting someone let alone someone we care about? Even evolution says cooperating with others increases our chances of survival. Nothing wrong with wanting to make our loved ones happy, right? Right … and sometimes wrong!
The desire to please others or avoid conflict becomes problematic when it consistently comes at the cost of our own happiness, peace, authenticity and perhaps even health. I prepared a list of questions for you to reflect on, to decide for yourself if conflict avoidance/people pleasing is a problem in your life. Let’s dive in.
How often do you over-explain your decisions or actions to people even when it is your decision to make?
How often do you say yes to activities that you have no interest in or energy for?
Do you take responsibility for things that are not your fault?
Do you over-apologize for small mistakes that were out of your control?
How do you make your decisions when you are being kind/polite? Are these kind actions coming from a place of love and joy or fear/anxiety?
Do you feel taken advantage of or resentful to a point where you start avoiding people or perhaps to their shock lash out at them?
Do you have a fear of being perceived as selfish?
Do you ever find yourself sharing too much about yourself to make someone else feel more at ease?
Do you have excessive worries around letting people down?
How often do you lose sleep overthinking about a conflict you had with a friend or a colleague?
Are you someone that is overly aware of other people’s facial expressions and potential emotions/mood? Do you often feel responsible for people’s moods or emotions?
Have you ever asked your partner “are you mad at me?” and see them looking back at you confused, surprised, and wondering what you are talking about?
If you want to have a better understanding of people pleasing/ conflict avoidance and what you can do to reduce their impact, please visit back soon as more blog entries on the topic are on their way.
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